Author: Gary Chapman
Publisher: Moody Publishing (December 2014)
D&L Rating: 🌟🌟🌟🌟
What inspired you to pick this book up?
The truth is that many years ago this book was recommended to me and a guy I was dating at the time. I remember having a few squabbles over the stuff we were reading (added to the many squabbles we were having all the time *sigh*). I think we had only gotten a few chapters in before abandoning the book. A clear sign that the relationship probably wasn’t right anyway. 😉
Anyhow, the day that Brad and I decided to transition from being best friends to being in a romantic relationship, small hiccups observed during our friendship were brought up. I explained that it was probably because we had a different understanding and perspective on a few things and I briefly mentioned the 5 Love Languages book. I suggested that we try the book out sometime, and being diligent to start things off on the right foot, he ended up ordering two copies that same week.
We purposed to read a chapter together every week and then discuss what we learned afterwards. Those times we spent reading with each other turned into wonderful discussions full of insight, learning, and a lot of chuckles. I’m so grateful that we invested the time to get a deeper understanding of our inner workings so soon into the relationship.
What is the author’s writing style like?
Simple, wise, revelational, and anecdotal. You’ll find yourself saying many times, “oh my goodness, I can totally relate to that!”
Who is this book best suited to?
You. Me. Anyone. The content is relevant to all of us. The author has taken it a step further by offering versions of this book for singles, children, men, teenagers, and even military veterans to suit many different situations.
Just a heads up that this book is written with Christian foundational principles and values in mind. But that doesn’t mean that those who aren’t Christians can’t still gain from learning how people communicate and experience love.
What impact has this book made on you?
It has made me more aware of what I need to feel truly loved (now accepting gifts 24 hours/day 7 days/week ). The book has also been helpful in allowing me to understand how the people in my life might best feel loved and appreciated.
Though, the biggest impact, hands down, has been on my relationship with Brad. We’re easily able to recognize things that would ‘fill’ each other up and communicate areas of need. Now that we understand each other’s love language, we are much more able to make the daily, conscious decision to make each other feel loved (well … almost daily … I’m working on it).
Last winter when Brad lost a pair of gloves that I gave him as a gift several years earlier, he shrugged his shoulders and figured he’d just buy a new pair. I wanted to hide away in the bathroom to have a cry about it. I had taken so much time to select those gloves. Meticulously looking at the details and comparing 5 pairs of them (these would be too small …. these ones have touchscreen fingertip thingies … my goodness these ones are too expensive!). How could he be so unbothered by something that was so sentimental!?
Sure he could get another pair to cover his hands but they would never again be the ones that I took so much love and care to pick out. While gifts are a way for me to let someone know that I like them, I think they’re awesome, I care about them, or that I was thinking about them, Brad doesn’t see it that way. He’s much happier to have me spend time with him than to open up a nicely wrapped gift … of gloves.
So, the biggest takeaway for me was that even though I knew full well what my own love language was, I can’t expect Brad (or anyone else with a different language than mine) to feel fulfilled and happy with our relationship if I only ever express love with gifts. If I want to really love on someone I care about, I’ll need to work at recognizing and speaking their language.
“Love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself. Most of us do many things each day that do not come ‘naturally’ for us. For some of us, that is getting out of bed in the morning. We go against our feelings and get out of bed. Why? Because we believe there is something worthwhile to do that day. And normally, before the day is over, we fell good about having gotten up. Our actions precede our emotions.”
Least favourite part?
It’s not a specific part but Gary refers to the “in love euphoria” several times throughout the book. Since Brad and I had gone through a very close, long-running friendship (over 7 years) before we started dating, it was difficult for me to determine exactly if and when I was experiencing the “in love” craziness. There was a newness to our relationship that got me excited for sure but I don’t know if that can be considered the butterflies that he describes.
I know Brad and I are an anomaly, but I’m unsure if everyone goes through this phenomenon. No biggie though, just an observation.
Which hashtags would you use for this book?
#loveTank #iLoveGifts #loveLanguage #betterRelationships #lastingLove #speakMyLoveLanguage
Would you recommend this book and why?
Unless you’re a recluse, you have ongoing relationships with people (right?!). And even though nobody expects you to have a strong, intimate, and loving relationship with everyone, being able to assess how those closest to you might feel validated and appreciated can help you avoid unnecessary conflicts.
At the very least, 5 Love Languages is a quick and easy read that will help you articulate and communicate the best way you experience love. I encourage you to get this book and read it – you’ll be very grateful you did. Also, you might find the below resources helpful to you as well.
Please do let me know if you decide to read this book. I’m curious to know what your language is!