A recent email to Wendie Ralf, my soon to be sister in law, detailing struggles and revelations in my job search.
Hihihi,Thanks for checking in on me. Things are …. complicated. I’m still stuck in a spot where I’m struggling to figure out what sort of career I’d like to pursue. This makes it very difficult to search or apply for jobs because I really don’t know what I want to do. I figure that in this period of confusion, God just really wants me to hang on. He’s probably going to reveal something big to me and then it’ll all make sense.So, I’ve decided that I will treat this phase as a period of fUNempoyment and pursue smaller, more part-time, and fun jobs to help me get by while I work on my blog. As a part of my funemployment, I only want to apply for jobs at places that I really love like Dollarama and David’s Tea. Brad and I were talking about ways I might be able to make money with my blog but it’ll be a while before that happens so I’ll need something to sustain me until then.Last month, I made nice with a manager at the Dollarama close to home and was told that they were indeed hiring. I spoke to the manager on a Friday and by the time I had brought my resume in on Monday, I was told that there weren’t any open positions. Okay, so the truth is I got really depressed after that. I could barely walk through the isle of the store to leave. I was so hopeful going in that Monday thinking that I was on the right track and how much fun it’d be to work there. I eventually straggled home and slept off the rest of the day. It took me several days to come out of that funk and by the end of the week I realized that I just wasn’t meant to work there.I prayed about the job before I left home to drop off my resume that day and I didn’t feel God was discouraging me. I’ve been more confused than ever and over the past several weeks and I’ve been sincerely struggling in my relationship with God. I’ve never had a time where I was more desperate to hear God and be close to Him than this, but sometimes He feels further away than ever. In retrospect, I think I sometimes feel abandoned because I’m reaching out to Him for the wrong reasons … “I need this thing that will benefit me so just give me all the answers.” Forced relationships never work, whether in the physical or the spiritual. 😉Deep down I know that if I search for God sincerely and really take the time to get to know Him, everything else will fall into place. And so patience, one thing I definitely don’t have, with myself, this process, and with God is what I really need right now. It’s also good to find encouragement in random places whether it’s a kind word from a friend, inspiration from a documentary, a thought provoking article, someone passing through to say “hello, how are you?”, or a promise written in God’s word.
Wendie’s simple but incredible response to this email was sharing the following: