Confessions to Wendie

A recent email to Wendie Ralf, my soon to be sister in law, detailing struggles and revelations in my job search.

Hihihi,

Thanks for checking in on me. Things are …. complicated. I’m still stuck in a spot where I’m struggling to figure out what sort of career I’d like to pursue. This makes it very difficult to search or apply for jobs because I really don’t know what I want to do. I figure that in this period of confusion, God just really wants me to hang on. He’s probably going to reveal something big to me and then it’ll all make sense.
 
So, I’ve decided that I will treat this phase as a period of fUNempoyment and pursue smaller, more part-time, and fun jobs to help me get by while I work on my blog. As a part of my funemployment, I only want to apply for jobs at places that I really love like Dollarama and David’s Tea. Brad and I were talking about ways I might be able to make money with my blog but it’ll be a while before that happens so I’ll need something to sustain me until then.
 
Last month, I made nice with a manager at the Dollarama close to home and was told that they were indeed hiring. I spoke to the manager on a Friday and by the time I had brought my resume in on Monday, I was told that there weren’t any open positions. Okay, so the truth is I got really depressed after that. I could barely walk through the isle of the store to leave. I was so hopeful going in that Monday thinking that I was on the right track and how much fun it’d be to work there. I eventually straggled home and slept off the rest of the day. It took me several days to come out of that funk and by the end of the week I realized that I just wasn’t meant to work there.
 
I prayed about the job before I left home to drop off my resume that day and I didn’t feel God was discouraging me. I’ve been more confused than ever and over the past several weeks and I’ve been sincerely struggling in my relationship with God. I’ve never had a time where I was more desperate to hear God and be close to Him than this, but sometimes He feels further away than ever. In retrospect, I think I sometimes feel abandoned because I’m reaching out to Him for the wrong reasons … “I need this thing that will benefit me so just give me all the answers.” Forced relationships never work, whether in the physical or the spiritual.  😉
 
Deep down I know that if I search for God sincerely and really take the time to get to know Him, everything else will fall into place. And so patience, one thing I definitely don’t have, with myself, this process, and with God is what I really need right now. It’s also good to find encouragement in random places whether it’s a kind word from a friend, inspiration from a documentary, a thought provoking article, someone passing through to say “hello, how are you?”, or a promise written in God’s word.

Wendie’s simple but incredible response to this email was sharing the following:

 

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4 thoughts on “Confessions to Wendie

    1. Hi Melissa, writing posts like these always make me nervous. I feel like I’m unzipping myself for all the world to see; makes me very vulnerable. But I’m so glad that in these raw and honest posts, you can find some encouragement. That you found something positive as a result of me baring it all makes this all very worth it for me!

  1. Hey Quest, love the honesty…so real and so relatable. Someone I know is sort of experiencing the same thing and is learning patience in the process and ultimately that God’s plan is best if we wait on Him. He also discovered that his initial passions were what brought him closer to God’s purpose. He had started out in government, had a few set backs and sort of wrote it off but it was and is still a passion of his. He felt he needed to open himself up to what possibilities could lie ahead in this arena and now feels more at peace. A door is bound to open sooner than later but until then persevere in the process.

    Your friend,
    Koliah

    1. Dearest Koliah, apologies for the late response – your comment was mistakenly marked as spam by WordPress 🙁 (I’m still trying to work out the kinks on the site). Thank you so much for sharing the story about your friend. I think all of us go through a similar journey in some capacity at some point in life, right?

      I’m constantly reminded of the encouragement in James 1:2-8 that reads, “Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help, and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who ‘worry their prayers’ are like wind-whipped waves. Don’t think you’re going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open.” And through this I’ve begun to learn that though the end/outcome is what is desired (in my case, a job that is rewarding in many ways), it’s really about the journey. Enjoying and learning from the process … now that’s the tricky part.

      And I’ve also realized that those passions and dreams that you, me, your friend has, are seeds planted by our amazing Father not only to benefit the work we do within our small understanding, but also to benefit His purpose at a much higher level. So, I’m not quite ready to give up just yet. I know Dad has an amazing plan in store for me … He said so in a contract (Jeremiah 29:11-13). Besides, I’m not even sure what giving up really means anyhow 😉

      Thanks so much for your encouragement. It’s amazing how even though we’re well aware of the good promises over our lives, impatience, doubt, and confusion seem to speak louder than anything sometimes. It’s such a great feeling to have human reminders and love. And yes, that door will open. And based on Dad’s track record, when it does it’s going to be more than I’d ever imagined! <3

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