Okay so, with an upcoming wedding you’d think that I’d be in full on wedding/bridal/whatever mode, but I’d say that there are chunks of time that it’s not even front of mind (or middle or back either). It could very well be the way that Brad and I have decided to approach this wedding thing.
When Brad popped the question last June I was filled with so much excitement. Not because engagement automatically equalled wedding, but because of silly little things like knowing that his cute, drool stained face would be the first thing I’d get to see every morning. And because I’d get to help him button his shirt cuffs before work while having him help me pick out the best pair of shoes for my outfit again and again and again. Not to mention, being able to stand in front of the washroom mirror at night with silly grins on our faces while we brush our teeth together.
You see friends, the idea of a wedding day never really excited me. It was all about what would happen in the many days … months … years after. That one day seems so tiny and superficial compared to the lifetime that we’ll be learning, stumbling, discovering, and growing together. And then there’s the undeniable thought I’ve had all the while – that weddings really aren’t about the people well … getting wedded. Not many people say that they enjoyed planning for their wedding and all too many couples have proclaimed that their special day zipped by too fast to even soak it in.
Quite frankly, a proper wedding seemed to me like too much fuss and finances to be worth it. And of course, there are the would be guests that I was freaking out about in the first place (most of them family, of course) that just affirm why the idea of a wedding makes people want to bite their nails and blow chunks at the same time. I’ve heard everything from, “Make sure it’s around this time of year because I won’t be available for the rest of it,” to, “You know, you really want to keep this simple and just invite me and person x. Forget about inviting person y,” to, “You really should have a wedding. Not having a wedding would be really inconsiderate of the people who want to celebrate you,” to, “I’m not going. End of story.”
And then there was the tiny (well very big, actually) problem of me not having a job in over a year. Umm okay let’s just start with a budget. Wait, what budget? I have money in the negatives (ha! love credit cards!). This means that the entire financial burden of a wedding and starting a life together would be on Brad’s shoulders. And all for what? Just so that people could hopefully eat exorbitant amounts food and complain about the quality and quantity of drink while Brad and I barely scrape a plate because we’re so focused on entertaining guests I’m getting too old for this ish.
And so in all of the stress thinking about possible stress, Brad reminded me that we’ve always done things in our own little way and a wedding (or not) shouldn’t be excluded from that philosophy. Phew … it’s okay to do things on our terms! I really needed to hear that. Brad is so good at simplifying my complicated messiness … yep he’s a keeper!
We talked extensively about things that stayed within our philosophy. Doing it on our own terms means that:
We’re going to get married in late spring this year and the only people present will be the officiant and two witnesses … oh yes, and a photographer to capture memories of our “special day” while Brad and I are dressed to the nines
Ah, I can wipe my hands clean! To the guest that would be out of town for most of the year, take all the time you need. To the guests with food allergies/preferences, we’ve got you covered. To the guests that like to booze it up, drink away. To those who were concerned about what to wear, wear as much or as little as you’d like. To the guests that want to have a say in who does and doesn’t get invited, no worries, select the cream of the crop. To the people who had the smallest hope (even a passing thought) of being bridesmaids and groomsmen, you’ve been chosen … all of you. It’s amazing how simple it becomes when nobody is invited.